Changes

There's the old saying, "The only thing that never changes is that everything changes." Well, that's true. Another one I like is, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Last year, a lot of things changed--my dad had bypass surgery, my beloved PaPa died, we bought a house and moved, friends and family from the PNW came to stay with us, and my biological father died. It was a mixed bag of good and bad. More bad than good, so I was happy to see 2017 go. Buh-bye.

Some days life feel like this...

And this year is starting out with changes too. BookFish Books, the small press I've worked for since 2013, is closing its doors. It's a bittersweet thing for me. On the one hand, I'm sad for the authors, sad the business wasn't able to stand the test of time, sad because these beautiful books won't be in the world, at least temporarily (I hope some of the authors will sign with other presses or self-pub). And on the other hand, it gives me more time to focus on my writing, build my editing business, and work with new authors at Tenacious Books Publishing.

But still, it's hard to say goodbye. Some of the BookFish people are like family to me. Thankfully we live in a digital world where everyone is just a text or email away. And yet...it'll never be the same.

In general, I would say I roll with change quite well (except for the season changes because I abhor winter), so I consider myself pretty adaptable. But I still haven't accepted PaPa's loss, and I'm still puzzling out the situation with my biological father's death. Deek always says I'm a deep thinker with a huge brain. While I suppose that's good in a lot of ways, it can make letting go of deeply important things that much harder.

His BabyDoll forever...

At the same time, change reminds us to be thankful for the times we had and the things that are the same. I'll always have my memories of PaPa, and I'll be his BabyDoll for the rest of my days. I'll always be proud of the BookFish team and the amazing books we unleashed upon the world. Some of these things may fade in my mind over time, but the imprint they leave on my heart will last forever. 

So as things go away, I'm focusing on what's still here. While Deek and I will grow and changes as people and as a couple, we'll stand the test of time. That knowledge brings me great comfort in these moments when changes overwhelm me. I glance at my husband, and a peace comes over me. He's my rock, my happy place, my calm in the storm. When my heart aches over PaPa, or when ponder life because of what happened to my biological father, or when I choke up working on the final paperwork for BookFish, Deek is there. He's there to hold me when I cry, discuss my many random and varying theories, and tell me everything is going to work out fine. He's full of life, joy, passion, and humor. I adore that about him!

This man, y'all! This man makes my world so bright!!

In times of change or uncertainty, grab on to what is real, loving, and tangible. Remember the good times from the past, but step boldly into your future.

Erin and Deek forever!

Tenacious Books Publishing

Molly and Ryder, my YA sci-fi novel

The First Birthday Without PaPa

Today would have been PaPa's 85th birthday. It's weird because he always said he'd never make it to 85, and he didn't. But I always thought he would. To me, he was invincible. He could do anything--move mountains, climb skyscrapers, anything. He was my PaPa, and I, his Babydoll, adored him.

It's been almost five months since he passed, and I still can't utter his name without choking up. I still can't stand to look at pictures because it still hurts too much. Even though I know he's not coming back, I find myself gazing at "his" chair in his office and at his house and wishing he'd just magically appear there. In fact, I get a little ruffled under the feathers if someone sits there because it's PaPa's chair.

Deek and I were talking recently about when people die and how the people left here are keepers of their memories. And I cried wondering when my generation and the one after me--those who experienced the greatness of PaPa--are gone, who will remember him? I don't want the wonderfulness that is him to fade. And Deek told me that every time I show love, mercy, gratefulness, and generosity, I'm spreading PaPa's spirit to the world. They may not remember him personally, but he'll still leave his mark when I'm kind because he was and someone else is kind because I was. In that same way, PaPa himself spread the light and love of his parents and grandparents to me even though I never knew them.

It's not the same, but it's something. It's a way for me to keep PaPa's memory alive past him, past me, past the generation behind me. I'll tell a few more jokes. Try to live in the present more rather than focus on the future. I'll hug my people every time I see them. I'll pursue my passions and dreams with more gusto. I'll put my nose to the grindstone and work even harder. I'll do my best to show the traits I learned from PaPa, and in doing so, you'll know him a little too. And maybe after I share joke, you'll tell it at a get together, and when people laugh, PaPa will be there. And someone else will tell that same joke, and the cycle continues. Man, PaPa did love a joke. I can still hear his laughter in my head and in my heart.

PaPa had five wonderful brothers and a lovely sister. I can still see each one of their faces and hear their voices in my mind. They understood the meaning of family, and they taught it to all of their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. I don't want any of them to fade. So, I'm going to post a picture and list all their names so there's a record. And when you see them, I want you to think of your own family--your mother, your brother, your wife, your child--and I want you do something today that shows them you love them. And when you do, these seven people will be there, smiling and laughing because family was everything to them.

Top row, left to right: Stacy, Ed, Harold

Bottom row, left to right: Darwin (PaPa), Wendell, John (aka: Bunky), and Eldred

I love you, PaPa. I miss you, and I always will. I know they say "time heals all wounds" and all that, but I don't think I'll ever really get over losing you. I will, however, do my best to make you proud and keep your spirit alive now and in the future.

Happy Birthday! 

Anniversary Joy

Hey, y'all! This month is an exciting one because it's mine and Deek's anniversary month! Well, one of them at least. LOL! Yep, we got married twice (once on each coast since we're from opposite coasts).

Wedding #1 -- PNW

Wedding #2 -- Southern

I was thinking today about "new" love versus "older" love, and I think older love gets a bad rap. Everyone talks about the euphoria of new love and how the butterflies are everything. Fairytales end at the wedding or final get together moment, but no one shows the after. Probably because they think watching the Prince go to work while Cinderella takes care of the kids (or visa versa or watching them both go to work), watching them pay bills or attend a concert, or watching them participate in "regular life" isn't very exciting. But by not seeing the married Prince and Cinderella, you're missing out on the best part. On the love that comes with a long-term relationship.

Erin and Deek -- the early days

You see, there's something amazing that develops the longer you're with the right person. A deep, more profound love that blows new, euphoric love out of the water.

Erin and Deek now

While it's not nearly as flashy as that falling in love feeling, there's something special about hearing someone say a certain phrase, turning to your partner, and sharing that smile because it reminds you of a joke known only between the two of you. There's something about coming home with news--good or bad--and knowing you have someone to share it with. There's something about saying, "Remember when we..." and having someone to reminisce with. There's something about having another person know exactly what you want or need and being there to provide it and being able to do that for them.

Life is in those little moments. Everyone thinks life and love happen in the big moments, but they don't. They're found in the every day. Cooking dinner together. Dancing in the kitchen. Laughing about something silly while you're getting ready for work. Sitting in bed sipping coffee and talking about the day ahead. Holding hands during a walk. Lying in one another's arms after a long day. Knowing that you have a person--your person, the person--who'll ride the ups and the downs of life by your side, hand in hand.

Our greatest desire as humans is to be known--truly known--and loved. True love comes from understanding someone at their core, at their innermost being. It's knowing all the ugly things about them, in addition to all the beautiful things, and saying, "Given everything that I know, I still love you. I still want to be with you. You, above anyone else."

The longer you're together, the more you know about each other. You can't hide your bad side, your quirks, or your faults when you live with someone and do life with them. Everything comes out. But to have all your bad parts exposed and to have your partner still gaze upon you like you're the most wonderful thing they've ever seen...that's older love. That's precious, rare, genuine, and priceless.

Given what I know about Deek, I love him more now than I did then. Every single day, I love him just a little bit more. I'm not exactly sure how that happens, but it does. He is truly the very best person I know. He's genuine, loving, witty, brilliant, hardworking, tenacious, giving, and thoughtful. I could keep going, but then this blog would be lightyears long. ;) 

But I say all that to say I understand him at his core, at the innermost part of his being, and I'm deeply in love with him. I know him. I know his good and his bad (and he knows mine). And given that, I'd still choose him--every day, every moment, always and forever. 

Happy Anniversary, my beloved! Thank you for loving me when I'm at my best and when I'm at my worst. Thank you for taking the time to see deep into my soul and for loving what you see. Thank you for treating me like I'm the most precious thing you've ever encountered and making sure I always know how much you love me. Thank you for always making time for "us," no matter what else is happening in our lives. Thank you for this wonderful life--this precious, rare, priceless love that comes after the fairytale. Because this part is the real fairytale. 

I love you, Deek! Now and always. Here's to many more in this lifetime and in the beyond! 

Being with Deek still makes me feel like dancing

He's so romantic!

This is how we look at each other, and I love that!

#Always

Guardian's Touch Release, Guest Post, and Giveaway by LA Dragoni

I'm stoked to have LA Dragoni on the blog again. She's a Pacific Northwesterner, and though I'm only adopted by the side of the country, I still hold a special place in my heart for it and the people there.

Pacific Ocean

Guest Post by LA Dragoni

And they lived happily ever after.

Fairy tales such as Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella lead you to believe that once the evil queen is banished the rest of life is a breeze.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you go out to your car on Monday morning only to find the battery dead, the washing machine breaks the night before a big presentation, you stop at Walmart to pick up insulin for your diabetic dog and when you come back out to the car you have a flat tire…

You get my point. Hard to be happy during a week like that.

Perhaps you’ve read of those couples that die natural deaths within 24 hours of each other after 60 years of marriage. Or the couple that renews their wedding vows on their 50^th wedding anniversary. Or maybe you follow Erin and Deek!

Happily ever after is real, but with unexpected medical bills, or late nights at the office, or a failed business that sucks your savings dry…is it possible? How do you last that fifty plus years when life keeps throwing challenges at you?

Try adding cruel ghosts to the agenda. Ghosts who want freedom from the void they’re bound to. And the only way they can gain that freedom is through the one you love. Could you, your partner, and your happily ever after withstand that?

But this is a celebration! A celebration of a book release. Yay! So let’s talk about happier things. In Guardian’s Touch, Tamara surprises Dex with a weekend getaway to show him how much he means to her. 

In your comment, share a getaway you’ve particularly loved – or one that’s on your bucket list. Then be sure to claim all the entries you qualify for in the rafflecopter for your chance to win swag. 

GUARDIAN’S TOUCH by LA Dragoni

Life has returned to normal for Tamara and Dex after helping a horde of ghosts cross over. Their brush with the afterlife affirmed one thing: happily ever after is real.

When odd pranks around the farm escalate to destruction, Tamara fears mischievous teenagers are vandalizing the neighborhood. Then Dex starts to act out of character. Meanness slips into his usually playful disposition. One day he even ridicules a co-worker publicly. Tamara watches helplessly as he seems to lose the ability to control his own actions. When Dex’s abnormal anger turns violent—toward Tamara—their happily ever after is threatened. Desperate to help Dex and herself, she sends out a silent prayer for help.

She didn’t expect Cal to come to her aid.

Available now on Amazon in print and for Kindle.

Final week!
http://amzn.to/1G7ZpC4

a Rafflecopter giveaway

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

LA Dragoni isn’t too particular about who falls in love or where they fall in love. Whether it’s paranormal, mythical, or time travel, LA simply considers it her job to divine their story and share it with you. She lives in Central Oregon with her husband and children, but haunts ghost towns and cemeteries throughout the west, in search of the next adventure to sift through her storytelling brain. Learn more about LA and her work at ladragoni.com

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What is Self-Soothing?

A few days ago, someone told me that dealing with loss is a good time to practice self-soothing. I nodded, but I'm not entirely sure what that means. Lie in bed all day? Stuff my face with pizza? Cry until my tears run out? These are things I *want* to do, but I *need* to walk the line between grieving for someone who's gone and living for those who are still here.

via GIPHY

Deek tells me to be patient with myself, to take the time I need to grieve, and I love him so hard for his love, patience, and kindness. Sometimes I do lie in bed. Sometimes I do cry until my tears run out. And yes, I *have* stuffed my face with pizza. Twice.

via GIPHY

I honestly don't know how to grieve. I've been fortune to have friends and family with long lifespans, so this is my first real, adult experience with this sort of pain. And he was my PaPa. The first man I ever loved. He used to take me everywhere with him, and I was happy as a clam to go. He was my PaPa, and I was his BabyDoll.

The first man I ever loved walks me down the aisle to the last man I'll ever love. 

Poetic.

In college, I took a really great class called Relational Communication. In one lesson, we talked about grief and how to respond to people in the midst of it. Our professor said people don't want to hear platitudes. They don't want to hear you're sorry. They want you to be able to sit with them in their grief. Cry with them. Love them through their pain. 

At the time, I didn't truly understand. Now I do. 

I guess this is where experience teaches more than academia. Where life is learned by living, not studying. But I say with my whole heart, this is a lesson I'd rather not learn. 

via GIPHY

Yesterday, I spent the day with my Mema. We cried, we talked about PaPa, and we read some of the lovely cards friends and family had sent. But PaPa's absence filled the room.

If you are the praying sort, please pray for my Mema. If you're the good vibes sort, please send them her way. This woman lost her partner, her best friend, and the love of her life. They were together over 60 years--married almost 63. 

My heart aches, my throat closes, and a fresh wave of tears form when I think of her sleeping in her bed alone, eating alone, *being* alone. It breaks my heart because I know, I witnessed firsthand, just how very much they loved each other.

If you see me or talk to me and I'm not myself, know that I'm muddling through this tsunami of grief. I'm trying to figure out how to self-soothe, whatever that means. I'm trying to make sense of a world that doesn't have PaPa in it. And know that even when I reach the other side of this sea of sadness, I'll never quite be the same. Because like I said before...this BabyDoll is sorely lacking without her PaPa.

An Alternative to Valentine's Day Take 2

Y'all V-Day (LOL) is rolling up on us soon, and last night, I read my post from last year. If I do say so myself, it's a right good post, so I'm just going to put it up again, in case anyone needs to hear it again.

Deek is THE most amazing husband. Everything I said in this post, he still does this year and then some (he's always coming up with new, creative ways to show he cares). When we got married, he's promised to always date me and never assume he "had" me. And he's a man of his word. I can't even begin to explain to you how incredibly thankful I am to be married to this incredible, incredible man!

I LOVE YOU, DEEK!

An Alternative To Valentine's Day

Hello, friends! So, I'm sure you've been to the stores and seen the Valentine's Day decor and cards lining the shelves. In fact, I think it started the day after Christmas, right? So crazy!

Well, I'll be honest, I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day. Please note, I'm a "to each his own" type chick, so no judgement here from people who choose the traditional celebratory methods. You go on with your awesome self. BUT, I personally prefer a different type of celebration, which I'd like to share.

For me, the whole concept of taking a day to celebrate your special person doesn't make sense. Shouldn't you do that every day? Every day, Deek goes out of his way to make me feel special, and I do my best to do the same for him. On any given day, he'll tell me how beautiful I am, bring me a cup of tea "just because," leave me a little love note, bring me my breakfast, and a million other things. And I do the same for him--surprise him at work with a treat, send him texts with love memes, leave notes on his car (back when we had two cars--LOL), tell him how handsome he is and how much I appreciate what he does for our family, greet him at the door when he comes home from work with a big hug and kiss. We don't wait for a special day to do those things. It's about living and loving out loud every single day.

From me to Deek

From Deek to me

And every night, we lie in bed, face-to-face, and talk about everything and nothing. We share our random thoughts, talk about our day, discuss our books, discuss the origins of the word "fork," and a myriad of other entertaining things. But we make the time to connect every day. In the hustle and bustle of life, it's easy to let your significant other get lost in the shuffle, but try not to. This is the person you've committed your life and heart to. Make sure that person knows he/she is a priority above all else.

I love our face-to-face time!

In our house, Valentine's Day will be pretty much like any other day. Deek and I will be together, loving one another and expressing our love. I'll admit we may splurge on a pizza and a Reese's Cup and watch a romantic movie because it's fun, but the core of our encounters will remain the same. I don't see the point in the traditional gifts. Jewelry can only be worn sparingly (I mean, how many occasions does one have that call for diamond earrings?). Stuffed animals fill the house and collect dust. Copious amounts of sweets derails healthy eating habits. Expensive meals are a drain on the budget and a "one and done" thing. And flower, OMG...flowers. They DIE. I can't help but think of a line in Romeo and Juliet when people receive flowers: "O', swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon that monthly changes in her circled orb. Lest that thy love proves likewise variable." Juliet is begging Romeo not to swear his love by the moon because the moon changes, and she doesn't want a changing, or variable, love. Flowers die...what does that say about love? Eep! 

Last year's V-Day goodies at the Rhew house

So, here's an alternative way to think of Valentine's Day. Have you ever heard of The Five Love Languages? If not, give it a read. I had to read it during college for my Relational Communication class, and it's a truly wonderful book. It talks about (obviously) the 5 love languages people have:

Image from The Marriage Podcast

1) Acts of Service-- This person feels loved the most when someone does something for them.

2) Words of Affirmation--This person feels love the most when you say good things/nice things to them and build them up.

3) Quality Time--This person feels love the most when you spent one-on-one time with them, no other distractions.

4) Gifts--This person feels love the most when you give them gifts. Please note, it's NOT about the amount of money with these folks. It's about the fact you knew them enough to know what they'd like and that you took the time to go out of your way to get it/make it for them. (Sorry, ladies, no "My love language is gifts, so I need these humongous diamond earrings!" Doesn't work that way.)

5) Physical Touch--This person feels love the most when you touch them. Please note, it's NOT about sex. (Sorry, guys, no "My love language is physical touch, so we should have sex." Doesn't work that way.)

I'll give you some examples. My best friend's love language is gifts. So, I make sure to give her meaningful things (like a framed pic of us, a book about landscape photography, a free hair dye at the stylist, etc) that show her I know her and what she'd like. My father is a physical touch person. So, I also make sure to hug him often. I have a special person in my life who likes acts of service, so I leave notes and offer to do things for her. Another special person in my life is words of affirmation, so I'm cognizant of that and use my words to build her up and tell her she's amazing (and it's true because she is!). Luckily, my husband and I are both quality time, so we make an effort to spend as much time as possible together. We don't always have to be engrossed in deep conversation, but we want to be together. 

Quality Time with my most wonderful hubs!

Not everyone is as lucky as we are to have a spouse with the same love language. Often times, significant others have differing love languages, and that makes it difficult to meet the needs of the other person. But, one easy way to tell what your person's love language is: watch them. Whatever they're trying to show you is mostly likely their own love language, and they're hoping you'll do it back to them. So, if your lady is always cleaning up for you or making you special meals, she's probably an acts of service person. Try doing that for her instead. Or if your fella is always complimenting you and talking about how awesome you are, he's probably a words of affirmation person. Try doing that for him instead. 

The Dream Team

We're all friends, but we all have different love languages and different specific needs.

So, this Valentine's Day, instead of joining the rat race with cards, flowers, candy, jewelry, and stuffed animals, try speaking to your significant other's love language. Here are some ideas:

1) Acts of Service-- Pick a chore or activity you know your person doesn't like to do, and do it for him/her. Cook their favorite meal for dinner. Call your person and tell them you'll take care of a particular errand they've been meaning to run. 

2) Word of Affirmation--Leave a love note on the bathroom mirror or by the coffee pot. Write up a list of all the things you love about your significant other. Tell your person thank you for the things they do for you or your family that you really appreciate. 

3) Quality Time--Turn off all electronic devices and just sit and talk to your person. Go for a walk or to get coffee. Lie in bed, face-to-face, and chat. 

4) Gifts--Make this person something that will be meaningful. Or, if you must go out and spend money on something, make it personalized. Think back to a time when your person said, "Hey, that's a beautiful quilt," and go get that instead of the stock flowers, jewelry, and candy. Let that person know this gift is only for them and couldn't be for anyone else. Let's say you bought flowers and candy for every girlfriend of boyfriend you ever had, what makes this person special? The people are interchangeable because the gifts are the same. Make sure this person knows he/she is not interchangeable. 

5) Physical Touch--Spend time wrapped up in each other's arms. Sit close together, holding hands while you watch a movie together. Give the person a massage. 

And I encourage you to do these things for your partner long after the Valentine's Day decor fades from the stores. Do it while the Easter stuff is out, the July 4th flags fly, the Halloween pumpkins decorate the porches, the turkeys of Thanksgivings roast, and the tinsel of Christmas drapes on evergreens. Every day. 

Show your person how much you love them every day.

I'm blessed beyond measure to be Deek's wife. He knows my love language is quality time, and he gives me that in spades. But he always takes little snippets of the other love languages and showers me with those too: brings me tea (acts of services), massages my sore shoulder (physical touch), tells me I'm beautiful (words of affirmation), surprises me with a cup of coffee from Starbucks (gifts). When we were dating, I kept asking him if this wonderful relationship we shared would fade in marriage, and he told me he'd work to make sure it never did. He promised to always date me and always put the effort into keeping us close. And he has. 

Special delivery!

Your person is your person for a reason. Take a long look at them and remember why you fell in love. Remember how it felt to be close. And make it happen again. Put in the time and the effort to keep your relationship strong. Friends, parents, children, and family will come and go, but this person is your person for life.

To Deek: Thank you for being you--the most wonderful man, husband, and partner ever! I dreamed of a life like ours, but the reality is a bazillon times better. I love you #always! Your e

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and it's a subject that really resonates with me. You all know about my wonderful life with Deek, about our intense love for one another and how truly amazing he is. But I haven't always lived like this. I haven't always been loved, cherished, and protected. Before Deek, I was in a terrible relationship and lived a nightmare every day.

I AM A SURVIVOR.

I debated about writing this blog. Deek and I have discussed it, and he 100% supports me telling my story, especially if it will help other women. But like many women who've experience domestic abuse, I'm reluctant to talk about it. Yet this reluctance leaves the door open for more men to abuse their girlfriends, wives, and partners.

Ironically, when I went on Facebook this morning, a friend of my had posted this meme. I took it as a sign, so I'm speaking out.

I could go into the nitty gritty details of my life with my ex, what he did and all that, and one day I might. But our whole relationship was based on him--what he wanted, what he liked and didn't like, what he thought, and the lengths he'd go to in order to force me to do what he wanted. So, I'm not going to talk about him. It's not revenge or spite; it's freedom. One of the awesome things about not being with him anymore is that I'm free to do what I want, talk about what I want, and think what I think. And what I want to talk about is you.

You know who you are.

You probably look a lot like me.

A regular girl with sad eyes and a sad smile.

Domestic abuse takes many forms--physical, emotional, sexual, and even spiritual. Maybe you're a women who gets slapped or beaten for putting the dishes in the dishwasher the wrong way. Maybe you're a woman who's told you're stupid and worthless for long enough you start to believe it. Maybe you're a woman who's forced to endure someone else's sexual depravity, even when you've said you don't want to. Maybe you're a woman whose partner throws misrepresented religious texts in your face in an attempt to use your faith to control you. I'm talking to all of you and to all the other women who live somewhere in between these spectrums.

I know you're afraid. I know you don't feel good about yourself. I know he's done everything he can to beat you down so you'll stay. But you don't have to stay. 

I know what you'll say. "He was nice in the beginning." or "He has good in him somewhere, I know it." But that's just a cycle. My ex was really great in the beginning. He had all the makings of a nice guy, and then one day, it flipped. And just when he'd pushed me to the edge and thought I might bolt, he turned back on the nice again. It's an abuser's pattern. It's how they keep you there, under their thumb. Don't let them. Don't fall back into the cycle.

If you stay, you're risking your life. I know you're terrified to leave. You worry about what he'll do. You worry about finances. You worry people will judge you. You're worried about a lot of things. But you're not worried about the most important thing: YOU. No one, and I do mean NO ONE, should live that way.

If you're worried about your safety, seek help from lawyers, friends, family, and law enforcement. If you think there is a chance he might try to kill you for leaving, work out a plan to just disappear. 

If you think you can't afford to leave, confide in close friends and family. I think you'll find them very supportive and helpful. I tried to keep what was going on in my life a secret, but everyone knew. My friends and family saw how abysmally he treated me and how awful he was to them. Even though I never said anything, they KNEW. And when I finally got the courage to confess the truth about my life to a select few, they cried and said they'd been waiting for me to say it. They'd been watching me suffer for years and had wanted to help but didn't know how. I promise there are people who love and care for you, people who would help you. Trust them. Turn to them.

There are many, many agencies set up to help women get out of domestic violence. They can point you in the direction of lawyers and law enforcement to protect you. Here are some (but be sure to check the ones in your local area):

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: http://www.ncadv.org/

National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.thehotline.org/

Battered Women's Justice Project: http://www.bwjp.org/

Futures Without Violence: https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/

National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence: http://www.ncdsv.org/

No More: http://nomore.org/

I thought I was done with tattoos (Deek and I have 6 each), but I'm thinking about getting just one more. You see, I'm done being silent and ashamed. I'm a survivor. And other women need to know there are survivors out there. They need to see us, see our lives now, and have hope. So, I think I'll soon be getting one of these tattoos. And maybe a woman who's living a terrible life like I used to will see it and know she can escape. You can be free. You can be happy. You deserve it!

If you're being abused in any way, you don't have to stay. Get help. Be smart and safe. Be strong. There IS a better life out there.

Good men do exist. I promise.