Read the First Chapter!!
(sneak peek)
CHAPTER 1
"You
have to say something, Dakota. Tonight. The world will end if you don't."
Kaylee's big, dark eyes were wide and excited as she followed me into my
bedroom.
"It
will not." I looked for a change of clothes to switch into before heading
to Alex's house. I wouldn't be caught dead on his doorstep looking as grungy as
I was after a full day of classes.
There
was a long pause. She headed back into the living room of our little campus
apartment. I almost stupidly thought she was done fighting this, but Kaylee
always got her way and somehow made you grateful for it.
"My
world will," she pouted.
"Your
world cannot possibly be small enough to care whether Alex and I hook up."
"Yes,
it can." I heard the grin in her pout.
I
checked myself in the mirror. Somehow, no matter how girly the clothes I wore,
I still looked vaguely like a boy. It's the only reason I kept my brunette hair
long, so people would be able to tell the difference. Like when people put a
bow on a bald baby's head so you'd stop calling her a 'cute little fella.'
Kaylee
popped her head back in my bedroom door. She, on the other hand, had no
problems looking like a girl. Not a girl, a full-fledged woman. She was an
Amazonian goddess with a crown of natural curls and curves no plastic surgeon
could ever sculpt. It almost made me more jealous than I was willing to admit,
but no one could truly hate Kaylee. She had a way of making every single person
feel like they were her favorite person on the planet.
Since
she was my roommate, I had a slightly higher claim than the others.
I
gave up my search and started changing into jeans and a tee. Alex couldn't care
less if I was a girl or not. That was the thing about being best friends since
kindergarten; the history made it impossible to hide anything right down to our
deepest faults. That is, except the fact that I liked him as more than a
friend. Otherwise, Alex knew all there was to know about me. There was no
prettying up the wizard once he saw behind the curtain.
"Why
is this so important to you?" I asked.
"Because
I want you to be happy."
"I
am happy."
"Mmhmm."
She pursed her lips like I did when she said something stupid.
"I'm
serious. Happy."
In a
grand sweeping motion, she tossed herself down on my bed. She couldn't do
anything without a little dramatic flair.
"Dakota,
you're in love with him. Can't you just say it?"
Her words
made me jolt. There was so much she didn't understand. I couldn't just come
right out and say it. It would ruin everything. She knew I couldn't tell him. I
had told her a million times before. I could name hundreds of reasons why I
couldn't, but I only needed one.
I
couldn't lose him as a friend if things didn't work out.
"It's
not part of the plan," I said quietly, pulling my t-shirt over my head.
"Oh,
screw your plan. What has your plan done for you lately?"
It
hadn't done anything for me yet, but it would. Plans are for the long term, not
what feels good in the moment. I had worked too hard to throw everything away.
I had to graduate Summa Cum Laude with a degree in Business Marketing, which
would get me a good, stable job, and then I could think about superfluous
things like dating.
Alex
certainly wasn't superfluous. If I tried to add him into the equation now...
Would it be such a bad thing?
I
grabbed my purse and backpack off of the floor next to the door.
"I
have to go," I said.
"Wait,
wait." Kaylee followed me to the front door. "Are you gonna tell
him?"
"Not
tonight."
Her
eyes widened. "So, another night?"
I
paused. I had to be careful what I said, or it could spell high pitched squeals
of glee and another victory for Kaylee that I personally didn't need.
"I'm
considering devising a plan for a later encounter. Possibly."
She
seemed to deflate. "You know, you better say something soon or he's gonna
stop waiting for you. He's a good guy. You keep pushing him away, and he's
gonna stop trying."
I
opened the front door. "Noted."
I
closed the door behind me as fast as I could without being suspicious. The idea
of Alex with someone else made me physically shake. He had always been my
Alex, ever since the first day we met when my dad and I moved into that tiny
house around the corner from his. It was a maddening thought, and also
completely ridiculous. At least, that's what I tried to tell myself.
He
would always be my Alex. My best friend. Telling him I loved him would
ruin everything, plain and simple.
But
could she be right? Was I pushing him away? No, he was an adult. He could say
what he wanted whenever he wanted. He didn't need an invitation from me to
speak. It was much more likely he wasn't interested in that way. Which was
fine. I didn't need him to like me.
I
needed him to be my friend.
The
drive out to his house was a bit precarious. My crappy little Honda was already
on its last legs when I bought it, but it was all I could afford. Luckily, Alex
was a mechanic, so he kept it limping along the best he could. But I could feel
it. My car was about to give up. It usually left me high and dry at the worst
possible moment, like a no-show prom date, and it was about to leave me sobbing
on the curb in a big poofy dress yet again.
Each
turn I made got me a little closer to Alex's. I rubbed the dashboard and talked
sweet to it, hoping to get close enough to his house. When I finally turned
onto his street, I let out a little cheer.
After
a few more knocks and a sputter, my car died.
I
forced out a breath and angled my car at the curb as I coasted to a stop. It
would have to stay parked there until Alex could check it. Thankfully, it broke
down only about ten houses away from Alex's, so it would be a fairly short
walk. I got out, shouldered my bags, and headed off. But that wasn't enough. I
glanced back and gave my front tire a little kick.
"I
would have made you cookies!" I shouted at my car, which was ludicrous,
but I needed to tell it how much it let me down. Before anyone could spot the
crazy girl yelling at her car, I ducked my head and hurried down the street
feeling like an idiot.
As I
stepped in front of Alex's house, I could already hear voices inside. Yelling,
screaming at each other. I didn't know what to do. I walked cautiously up to
the door, but before I could reach it to knock, Alex flung the door open and
stepped out quickly. He slammed the door behind him just in time to block
something glass that shattered on the other side. We both flinched.
"You're
early," he said, surprised. His shoulders
instantly dropped. I caught a glimpse of the fury on his face before he
switched back to his usual smirk.
"I
always am." I tried to sound normal, but he was backing me away from the
door.
"We
can't study here," he said.
"What
happened?" My heart raced. Had I seen what I thought I did?
"Nothing."
"That
was no nothing. Did he throw something at you?" I snapped.
"Let's
just go—"
"Hell
no! He can't do that—" I spun out of Alex's grip and marched back toward
the door, readying my bag to use as a bludgeon. I saw red. Had his dad actually
attacked him? Even the thought of it had me ready to beat that waste of a man
down.
"Stop!"
Alex ordered. He yanked the bag out of my hand and pulled me away from the
door. "Please, just leave it alone," he said, only slightly more
calm. He was trying to hide what had happened from me, and I wasn't sure I was
okay with that. But this wasn't the way to get him to talk. I'd have to work it
out of him.
"Fine.
We can take over a booth at Burgermeister."
He
nodded. "Where's your car?"
I lamely
pointed down the street at my sleeping crap pile.
"We'll
have to take yours." I looked around the nearly empty street for Alex's
prized possession: his deep red '68 Camaro RS he'd restored himself. I knew
nothing about cars, but it was beautiful. Except I couldn't see it anywhere.
"I'll
get it towed to the shop and take a look at it in the morning. You need
anything out of it?" Alex asked while fiddling with his keys.
"No,
I'm good," I said, holding up my purse and backpack. It had everything in
there.
He
nodded and walked a couple houses over to a run-down blue Ford F-150. A pink
breast cancer awareness ribbon on the bumper. After unlocking it, he opened the
passenger door for me.
"Where's
your car?" I asked.
He
shifted in place. "It has a bat in it. I borrowed this from a
friend."
"A
bat?"
"Yeah."
"Like
a bat bat?" I made little flapping motions with my hands.
He
forced away a smile. "Do you want burgers and studying or not?"
I
pursed my lips at him. I knew when he didn't want to talk about something.
“Fine,
but you’re not getting off that easy.” I pulled myself into the truck.
“Wouldn’t
dream of it.” He slammed the door shut behind me; based on the sound the door
made, it actually needed that much effort.
We
drove in silence. Awkward tension mingled with the smell of old cigars and shoe
polish. I peeked over at Alex, but he kept his bright blue eyes straight ahead.
Tension made his already toned muscles stand out, the definition evidence of
his success as a mechanic. His dark hair was more disheveled than usual. It
normally had a natural bed-head sort of look, but now it was as if he had stuck
his head out the window during a car wash. His hair seemed to be a signifier of
his mood. I could tell just by that what kind of day he was having.
I
hated how messy it was then. I almost reached out to settle it back into its
normal, calmer state of chaos. But that wouldn't fix anything. Not really.
To
kill some time, I perused the truck. Some camping equipment sat in the back
seat. Loose change jingled in the cup holder. When I popped open the glove box,
a few maps, a brochure for Enchanted Rock in the Texas hill country, and a few
burned CDs fell out.
"Don't
do that," Alex said.
"Do
what?"
"Snoop
around."
"You
always let me snoop."
"In
my car. This isn't mine. Put it back."
I
huffed and started gathering the stuff from the floorboard. The CDs were all
spread out, so I scooped them up, sorting them to face the same direction. I
noticed almost all of them were for musicals. Carousel, Funny Face, Meet Me in
St. Louis. A couple crooner albums were in there too. Dean Martin and Sinatra.
I
noticed something shiny on the floor. It was silver and looked like a pin of
some kind. I picked it up and flipped it over.
